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Apr 2, '07 6:30 AM
for everyone

I suppose that work at Google is really fun. They are always making jokes.

In April 1st 2000, they launched the Google Mentalplex Search:

"Users no longer need to think in Boolean query terms or use quotes, linear thinking or logic. With MentalPlex, you just project a mental picture of what you want to find."

In April 1st 2002, they presented the technology behind Google's great results, the PigeonRank:

"PigeonRank's success relies primarily on the superior trainability of the domestic pigeon (Columba livia) and its unique capacity to recognize objects regardless of spatial orientation. The common gray pigeon can easily distinguish among items displaying only the minutest differences, an ability that enables it to select relevant web sites from among thousands of similar pages. By collecting flocks of pigeons in dense clusters, Google is able to process search queries at speeds superior to traditional search engines, which typically rely on birds of prey, brooding hens or slow-moving waterfowl to do their relevance rankings."

April 1st, 2004, they announced they were hiring for GCheese (Google Copernicus Hosting Environment and Experiment in Search Engineering), also known as Lunar Hosting and Research Center.

"By locating a research and technology center on the Moon, Google engineers will be able to experiment with an entirely different set of parameters. For example, imagine tapping unlimited solar energy to drive megawatt data centers and power innumerable arrays of massively parallel lava lamps, with ample no-cost cooling available to regulate the temperature of server farms sprawling over acres of land unblighted by sentient lifeforms or restrictive zoning ordinances. Moreover, Google's Copernicus Center will provide a clear ear on the chatter of the universe, the vast web of electromagnetic pulses that may contain signals from intelligent life forms in other galaxies, as well as a complete record of every radio or television signal broadcast from our own planet. Google's goal is to extract information from that cacophonous web and make it available to anyone with a mouse and a modem."

In April 1st 2005, they brought to us Google Gulp, a line of "smart drinks" designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty.

"Note from Google Gulp and Your Privacy: From time to time, in order to improve Google Gulp's usefulness for our users, Google Gulp will send packets of data related to your usage of this product from a wireless transmitter embedded in the base of your Google Gulp bottle to the GulpPlex™, a heavily guarded, massively parallel server farm whose location is known only to Eric Schmidt, who carries its GPS coordinates on a 64-bit-encrypted smart card locked in a stainless-steel briefcase handcuffed to his right wrist. No personally identifiable information of any kind related to your consumption of Google Gulp or any other current or future Google Foods product will ever be given, sold, bartered, auctioned off, tossed into a late-night poker pot, or otherwise transferred in any way to any untrustworthy third party, ever, we swear."

Last year, they presented us with Google Romance, because, you know, love is just another search problem. And Google knows a lot about search. So, Google Romance™ is the solution.

"Google Romance is a place where you can post all types of romantic information and, using our Soulmate Search™, see search results that could, in theory, include the love of your life. Then we'll send you both on a Contextual Date, which we'll pay for while delivering to you relevant ads that we and our advertising partners think will help produce the dating results you're looking for.

By the way, a Contextual Date is a free date plus the added accrued value of the past decade’s worth of post-Industrial Age online marketing genius, all tied into a real-time, video-based, GPS-tracked, psychographically astute and environmentally pervasive promotional system."

If you can find your soul mate using Google Roamnce, your answer could be here.

And in 2007 they've launched two new programs: Google Tisp and GMail Paper
Google TiSP is their free in-home wireless broadband service:

"Google TiSP (BETA) is a fully functional, end-to-end system that provides in-home wireless access by connecting your commode-based TiSP wireless router to one of thousands of TiSP Access Nodes via fiber-optic cable strung through your local municipal sewage lines."

They also Have Google TiSP for Enterprise.

"GMail Paper is free, since the cost of postage is offset with the help of relevant, targeted, unobtrusive advertisements, which will appear on the back of your Gmail Paper prints in red, bold, 36 pt Helvetica. No pop-ups, no flashy animations (these are physically impossible in the paper medium).

With Gmail Paper, photo attachments are printed on high-quality, glossy photo paper, and secured to your Gmail Paper with a paper clip. Unfortunately, MP3 and WAV files will not be printed, so it's a good idea maintaining copies of your non-paper Gmail in these cases."